Opening Doors with Kim

Kim Ades of Opening Doors lets you in on her frame of mind.

Tuesday, June 26, 2007

Dump, Dump, then Dump the Dump

There are some friendships that aren't planned, or deliberate, but just grow deeply over time. My friend, let's call her D, is one such friend.

D just got rid of a huge cancer in her life; her boyfriend for the past 7 years, on the day of her birthday. Happy Birthday D! Typically, a friend should show empathy for this kind of loss, particularly after such a long time together, but in this case I am rather serious when I say that it is truly a time of celebration.

He had not one redeeming quality about him.

Smart? No
Kind? No
Well Accomplished? No
Good looking? Other than his pecks, not even!

There was nothing about him that was attractive. She is a single mother with 4 teenage kids. He lived in her house, he didn't work, he 'borrowed' her money, used drugs, had a fist fight with her son, and had the nerve to tell her that she would never find another speciman like him. What a blessing!

For years I have been having the conversation with her that she deserves more in her life, that he is nothing but a noose around her neck, that he is horrible for her kids and that he sucks her dry. And for years she has agreed whole heartedly. But it took years for her to find the courage to let him go.

What was it that held her back?

Fear of the unknown? Yes
Fear of being alone? Yes
Fear of not finding someone else? Yes
Fear of never being enough? Absolutely

And perhaps the first three of those fears are overcomable but the last can be debilitating because it is truly the fear of never being enough that gets in the way of realizing that you are more than enough right this minute. And that is the key - just believing you are already enough. It's a funny thing - that kind of belief doesn't just happen overnight, especially after years and years of harmful programming.

So here is what I told D to do: Get a journal and write in the journal every day. Get rid of all the crap swimming in your head. Complain, moan, groan, feel sorry for yourself, curse, blame, and belittle - just dump it out. And when you are close to being finished, keep dumping until there is nothing left. And then stop. Reread what you have written and then dump the dump. Start to write the story of your life now as you want it to be. Write about who you are in your ideal world, what your life is like, what you are grateful for and why you are more than enough right this minute. And keep writing. Every day. Never stop - until you believe without a shadow of a doubt that you are not only more than enough, you are the bomb!


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