What a Rich Life Indeed

I saw him at Subways. I’m guessing he was about 32. His hair was disheveled and he had a mustard stain on his shirt. The woman he was with looked like his grandmother. There was a walker parked nearby. She was helping him eat his submarine sandwich and wiping the drool off his chin. He smiled, he rocked, and he squealed with glee. His hands were covered with red goop – I think it came from the tomato that squirted out of his sandwich. Every bite was taken with absolute pleasure and delight. I have never watched anyone enjoy eating anything as much as this man.

It made me think about how most of us rarely even taste the food we eat. About how we go through life barely noticing the flavors in our meals, the color in our neighborhoods, and the fascinating wealth of experience in the people we interact with. We spend a lot of time trudging through life and hardly notice the world we live in. We miss so much because we are simply not paying attention to the miracle of all of the creations around us and we take for granted so many things that we ought to be grateful for.

Watching this man eat his sub made me wonder about his quality of life. Clearly he was not able to live like the rest of us. He was unable to communicate clearly, he could not walk without assistance, and although I can not be certain, it appeared that having any type of job was beyond his capacity. He was probably not married or engaged in any type of intimate relationship. His life was different. One could say he was short changed and his life lacked some of the basic privileges the rest of us are afforded. Some might feel sorry for him and some might feel terrified to live in such a condition. But he was happy. What a rich life indeed.

For the Birds

My kids and I were standing on the platform at the train station waiting for the train to pick us up and take us back to Toronto after a long weekend in Montreal visiting family. Ferne spotted a bird. It was a plump bird and it looked warm and snuggly, resting peacefully in her nook as though it had found a reprieve from the perils of the world. She had found a cozy spot to lay down her feathery load right on the train tracks.

Seconds later we heard an announcement on the speakers overhead “Last call for train # 57 heading to Toronto.” As we looked up, we saw the train approaching. My daughter started to panic and wave her arms in an attempt to swish the bird away. My son started to shout at the bird, “Bird! Move away!” I became nervous as Ferne moved toward the tracks desperately trying to help the bird. Seeing the train come closer, I held her back. The bird showed no intention of flight. We prepared to witness a bird squashing of colossal proportions.

I wanted to shield my kids from the imminent tragedy. I wanted to protect them from witnessing such a gruesome death. I was still hopeful that the bird would flee at the very last moment with the increasing vibration of the train on the tracks. The bird did not move. As the train came closer, I held my breath and waited for the impact…

There was no impact. She was sitting on the itsy bitsy part of the track that is tucked neatly beneath the place where the wheels of the train connect with the rail. She was safe. Holy smokes! We could not believe our eyes! The bird was smarter than us. She knew that she would be safe and did not have a shroud of fear or panic in her demeanor. She was so calm in fact, she appeared to be asleep.

We were the ones who were in panic mode. Even when there was nothing we could do. We had no trust that the bird knew what she was doing or that her instinct for self preservation was at work. We were terrified with the anticipation of what we were certain was going to happen. We knew better. In no uncertain terms, that bird was going to die.

And it didn’t.

We are frequently terrified of certain disaster that never materializes. Sometimes it’s due to hype (like when we all ran out and bought 50,000 tones of water in preparation for the clock to strike midnight on the new millennium), and sometimes it’s due to paralyzing fear, or outside influence. Either way, we end up selling ourselves short of amazing experiences and cherished moments. Of course, I still don’t recommend you find a cozy little spot on the rail road track to take a little snooze. But I do recommend living on the edge a little bit and stretching your comfort zone and trying things that ordinarily might seem a little bit daunting or scary.

The real recommendation is this: imagine you are 99 years old and you look at yourself in the mirror and reflect on your life… think of the regrets you might have living your life never having experienced certain things. What are those things?

Those are the things that you need to make sure you incorporate in your life before it’s too late. Those are the things that you need to make sure you experience so that you live your life without regret.

While it’s true that the bird’s resting spot freaked us out imagine the bird’s life without the discovery of the train track? Imagine all the discoveries you have yet to make… are you up for it?

By the Light of the Moon

She was tired and stressed and obviously upset. She was out of control and unable to collect herself. My 8 year old daughter, Ferne was beside herself because it was already 8:55 p.m. and she still had so much to do: study for her French spelling test, read, and write in her journal. Yes, of course she has a journal; she is my daughter after all! With a note of hysteria, she blamed me for letting the time slip by, and claimed that she hated herself for not being prepared for the spelling test. Nothing I could do would calm her down. I tried everything. I tried extending her bed time by an extra 20 minutes, I tried getting her to focus on the time we still had to study for her test, and, seeing that she was far too exhausted to study anyways, I tried suggesting that she relax and wake up fresh the following morning and study then. No matter what I said, her hysteria grew. She even began to thrash around in her bed, unable to contain herself. She lost it.

Then her brother, Louis walked in the room. He had just finished taking his shower and stood in front of us wrapped in a towel. Witnessing the dynamics of the situation, he decided to add his own spice to the mix. Just as he turned around to leave the room, he deliberately let his towel drop, mooning us both. Ferne started to laugh and the tension evaporated instantly. She let go of beating herself up (and everyone around her) and traded it in for a little levity.

What an idea! Trading in the tension and self defeating thoughts for a little levity is such a simple, yet powerful concept.

She ended up reading a little, writing in her journal, and going to sleep. The following morning she woke up and studied for her spelling test to finally master every word on the list.

Here’s how it works. Not much gets accomplished when you are miserable and feel bad about yourself. But sometimes it happens, and we just feel lousy about ourselves and disappointed about our achievements, or lack thereof. The more we dwell on the goals we have not reached, the bigger the hole gets and the harder it is to fill it.

So here’s the key. Use a little levity to lift yourself up. Change your focus. Do something else, and when you are feeling low, focus on feeling better. Get an ice cream. Go for a run. Listen to a great song. Call a friend. Reconfigure your mind to recall the last time you felt aligned and felt good. The moment that you are moving toward a better frame of mind, your likelihood of attaining your goals dramatically improves.