Opening Doors with Kim

It’s Not Always About You

2008-02-09T13:47:00.000-05:00

I took the afternoon off work today so that I could be at home when my new car was delivered. My sister-in-law drove it into town from Montreal where it was purchased. (I know…isn’t that nice???) After she arrived, we went for lunch and spent the rest of the afternoon together until the time I had to drive her to the airport so that she could catch a flight back home. After dropping her off, I called the office to check in. I spoke with Jacqui, our Director of Communications, discussing the details of our booth at the virtual convention we will be attending in a couple of weeks. I was driving and talking and admittedly, still getting used to the new size and fancy features of my new car. I wasn’t as focused on the road as I should have been when all at once I turned my gaze slightly to the left and noticed a police car driving slowly beside me.

Uh oh. He caught me. He must have seen me on the phone, not paying attention to my driving. I saw him looking at me. In one second flat I told Jacqui that I had to go – and I hung up on her without even saying goodbye.

My thoughts started running rampant. Perhaps I was speeding. Or maybe he’ll pull me over for not having a registered vehicle. Maybe he is going to comment on my 11 year old son sitting in the front seat (even though I know he’s old enough). Maybe he is going to tell me that I’m not a responsible mother. Maybe he is looking for a criminal and he thinks I’m her. Suddenly he slowed down and pulled up behind me. The lights on top of his roof started flashing. Oh God, I’m cooked…

I had to stay calm, for the sake of my son in the car. But guilt was written all over my face. I started to think of what I was going to say to get out of the mess…It’s a new car and I am not used to the larger size, that’s why I’m driving in two lanes… My son has a small bladder and he really needs to use the washroom, that’s why I’m speeding…

I pulled over and waited for my reprimand.

I looked in the rear view mirror to see him drive around me to catch up with the car ahead of me up the road.

Holy smokes! I breathed a sigh of relief and burst out laughing with my son. It wasn’t about me.

Are you a spender or a saver?

2008-02-04T18:41:00.001-05:00

I took my kids to Disney for the Holidays. I figured was one of those once in a life time adventures that you have to do with your kids before they get too old. We went to all the Disney parks and left no stone unturned. We had a wonderful time.

Louis and Ferne each had $45 to spend on whatever keepsake they wanted to take home with them and they were both on a mission to find exactly what they were looking for. From the moment we stepped through the gates of Animal Kingdom, Louis was swept away in Disney’s ingenious pin trading industry and began to buy and trade pins he thought were cool, rare, and hard to come by. For the duration of the trip he was pin obsessed and visited every single pin booth he could find and stopped Disney Cast Members in their tracks to see if they had that one special pin he was looking for – Mickey’s foot prints. It would complete his set of four. He learned how to trade up – purchasing lower priced pins and trading them for those that were considered higher value and more exclusive. Including the $10 I gave him as a bonus for great behavior, he spent $60 altogether, taking a $5 loan from his sister. He left with an empty wallet but a lanyard full of really cool pins. He was so proud of his collection; he talked about it all the way home and showed everyone who had indicated the slightest interest.

Ferne, on the other hand, had an entirely different strategy in mind. She had a budget – she only wanted to spend a maximum of $3 and keep the rest tucked away for something else (I wasn’t sure what). Anyone who has been to Disney knows that there is nothing you can buy for only 3 dollars. Even the smallest little souvenir is no less than $5 – but she was not going to deviate from her plan. Luckily that extra $10 I gave her for great behavior as well came in handy! She found a picture frame for $12 and including tax, she was able to get something good within her budget! She was one happy girl!

After Orlando, we flew to Ft. Lauderdale to spend some time with my parents. As soon as we landed, Louis asked my mother for some odd jobs to do so that he could earn a few extra dollars. Ferne was automatically included in the deal. They both walked away with an additional $50!

So which is a better way to live? The answer is that it makes absolutely no difference. What matters is that they were each happy with their decisions and that their actions came entirely from their personal desires – without outside influence. What they did felt good to them and corresponded with their personalities, their characters, their interests and their nature

I Thoth So

2007-11-27T22:05:00.000-05:00

My son Louis is a big, huge, gigantic, enormous, youtube fan. When he saw the email I received featuring Paul Potts, the cell phone sales man who revealed his astounding talent as an opera singer on Britan’s Got Talent, Louis decided to go on an America’s Got Talent expedition. He saw all kinds of performers; dancers, jugglers, acrobats, ventriloquists, it was endless. He seemed to be drawn to young people who had a unique talent – like the 11 year old girl who could yodel or the 7 year old who sang a song from the Dream Girls sound track. Each time he saw something that was catchy he would shout, “Mom! Mom! Come Fast! You gotta see this!” Louis and I watched all kinds of talented people, and all kinds of people who called themselves talented.

Of all the performances we saw, there was one that stood out. Louis watched it at least 25 times. He called himself S.K. Thoth. He had his hair up in a pony tail in the middle of his head. He wore heavy blue eyeliner on his eyelids and a series of chain necklaces over his chest. He was bare other than the gold colored loin cloth he wore to cover his private parts. He played the violin, he danced and chanted and called himself a “pray-formance” artist because according to him his presentation combined prayer and music. If he won the million dollars offered by the show, his plan was to create a full blown opera.

His performance was shocking. He danced around on stage, kind of like an Indian chief playing the violin, singing a song in an unrecognizable language. It was hard to watch and even harder to listen to. The audience began booing him about 10 seconds into his performance. One of the judges described him as wandering around looking ridiculous making a crazy wailing noise and another judge said he looked like Apocalypto Now with a violin. Here is the link in case you want to see for yourself… http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9ke93vH1eEw

I was stunned. I wondered what kind of person would expose himself knowingly to that kind of humiliation. Was he unaware of how bad he sounded? Sharon Osbourne (Ozzy’s wife) was the third judge. Trying to leave him with whatever miniscule trace dignity was fathomable; she respectfully asked him what language he was singing in. He replied, “I made it up.” The audience howled with laughter at this man’s insanity.

But that was the response that created for me an instant fascination with Thoth. Who goes on stage in front of millions of people, half naked, playing a violin, chanting in his own, made-up language?

Someone with courage.

I know you are probably thinking “Or someone who’s delusional.” But that’s when I started to think that genius and delusion are probably very closely related; perhaps even two sides of the same coin. Geniuses can see what the rest of us are unable to.

So Thoth is ‘out there’ and he absolutely doesn’t fit the mold of anything in our repertoire of normal. But perhaps that is only because our repertoire is so limited. Perhaps there is so much more that we might be able to see, hear, smell, taste, and feel if only we stayed open to it and imagined the possibility. Thoth imagined a new possibility and had the courage to try it. His delusion allowed him to see what the rest of us are unable to.

As odd as it may seem, Thoth set an example for my son that day.

These are the Only Two Suckers I Can Trust

2007-11-21T17:13:00.000-05:00

“This afternoon I am not going to have you up on your feet bopping to the music. I am going to make love to you. I am going to sing songs that you make babies with.” With that introduction, she kept her promise.

She was large, sexy and sultry. Without pinpointing her age, it appeared that she came from a generation that still considers it impolite to ask a woman her age. Grey hair, black skin, full lips and a smile that stretched from here to eternity. Her name was Lois Smith – she was one of the highlighted singers at the Cape May Jazz Festival. Her voice was like butter. It was powerful, yet her execution appeared effortless, thoughtless. She reminded me of a child completely immersed in her pretend world without any regard to who might be watching or eavesdropping on her play. She captivated the audience with her sound and moved them with her presence. No matter what she may have experienced in her life that may have caused her pain, when she sang it was clear that she was in perfect alignment and she was living her passion. Everything was right in her world the moment she stepped onto the stage. Even when her song sheets fell from her hands in a mess on the floor, she was still in her element leveraging the incident to connect with the audience and make them laugh. She was graceful and as I looked around I could see that she had successfully lured in each and every person in the room with her dulcet tones. Among the list of songs she performed, she indulged us with her rendition of Somewhere Over the Rainbow, Stormy Weather, and At Last. I could hardly catch my breath witnessing such a magical performance.

As she paused between songs, someone from the audience approached her with an envelope. As she tucked it into the front of her blouse to store it safely, she turned to the audience and said “These are the only two suckers I can trust.” She had the crowd roaring with laughter.

Imagine playing your career with that much passion? Imagine stepping into it with that much abandon and freedom? Imaging being so aligned in your work that the whole world can see it? What would it take?

What a Rich Life Indeed

2007-10-30T11:18:00.001-04:00

I saw him at Subways. I’m guessing he was about 32. His hair was disheveled and he had a mustard stain on his shirt. The woman he was with looked like his grandmother. There was a walker parked nearby. She was helping him eat his submarine sandwich and wiping the drool off his chin. He smiled, he rocked, and he squealed with glee. His hands were covered with red goop – I think it came from the tomato that squirted out of his sandwich. Every bite was taken with absolute pleasure and delight. I have never watched anyone enjoy eating anything as much as this man.

It made me think about how most of us rarely even taste the food we eat. About how we go through life barely noticing the flavors in our meals, the color in our neighborhoods, and the fascinating wealth of experience in the people we interact with. We spend a lot of time trudging through life and hardly notice the world we live in. We miss so much because we are simply not paying attention to the miracle of all of the creations around us and we take for granted so many things that we ought to be grateful for.

Watching this man eat his sub made me wonder about his quality of life. Clearly he was not able to live like the rest of us. He was unable to communicate clearly, he could not walk without assistance, and although I can not be certain, it appeared that having any type of job was beyond his capacity. He was probably not married or engaged in any type of intimate relationship. His life was different. One could say he was short changed and his life lacked some of the basic privileges the rest of us are afforded. Some might feel sorry for him and some might feel terrified to live in such a condition. But he was happy. What a rich life indeed.

For the Birds

2007-10-25T11:28:00.000-04:00

My kids and I were standing on the platform at the train station waiting for the train to pick us up and take us back to Toronto after a long weekend in Montreal visiting family. Ferne spotted a bird. It was a plump bird and it looked warm and snuggly, resting peacefully in her nook as though it had found a reprieve from the perils of the world. She had found a cozy spot to lay down her feathery load right on the train tracks.

Seconds later we heard an announcement on the speakers overhead “Last call for train # 57 heading to Toronto.” As we looked up, we saw the train approaching. My daughter started to panic and wave her arms in an attempt to swish the bird away. My son started to shout at the bird, “Bird! Move away!” I became nervous as Ferne moved toward the tracks desperately trying to help the bird. Seeing the train come closer, I held her back. The bird showed no intention of flight. We prepared to witness a bird squashing of colossal proportions.

I wanted to shield my kids from the imminent tragedy. I wanted to protect them from witnessing such a gruesome death. I was still hopeful that the bird would flee at the very last moment with the increasing vibration of the train on the tracks. The bird did not move. As the train came closer, I held my breath and waited for the impact…

There was no impact. She was sitting on the itsy bitsy part of the track that is tucked neatly beneath the place where the wheels of the train connect with the rail. She was safe. Holy smokes! We could not believe our eyes! The bird was smarter than us. She knew that she would be safe and did not have a shroud of fear or panic in her demeanor. She was so calm in fact, she appeared to be asleep.

We were the ones who were in panic mode. Even when there was nothing we could do. We had no trust that the bird knew what she was doing or that her instinct for self preservation was at work. We were terrified with the anticipation of what we were certain was going to happen. We knew better. In no uncertain terms, that bird was going to die.

And it didn’t.

We are frequently terrified of certain disaster that never materializes. Sometimes it’s due to hype (like when we all ran out and bought 50,000 tones of water in preparation for the clock to strike midnight on the new millennium), and sometimes it’s due to paralyzing fear, or outside influence. Either way, we end up selling ourselves short of amazing experiences and cherished moments. Of course, I still don’t recommend you find a cozy little spot on the rail road track to take a little snooze. But I do recommend living on the edge a little bit and stretching your comfort zone and trying things that ordinarily might seem a little bit daunting or scary.

The real recommendation is this: imagine you are 99 years old and you look at yourself in the mirror and reflect on your life… think of the regrets you might have living your life never having experienced certain things. What are those things?

Those are the things that you need to make sure you incorporate in your life before it’s too late. Those are the things that you need to make sure you experience so that you live your life without regret.

While it’s true that the bird’s resting spot freaked us out imagine the bird’s life without the discovery of the train track? Imagine all the discoveries you have yet to make… are you up for it?

By the Light of the Moon

2007-10-19T10:17:00.000-04:00

She was tired and stressed and obviously upset. She was out of control and unable to collect herself. My 8 year old daughter, Ferne was beside herself because it was already 8:55 p.m. and she still had so much to do: study for her French spelling test, read, and write in her journal. Yes, of course she has a journal; she is my daughter after all! With a note of hysteria, she blamed me for letting the time slip by, and claimed that she hated herself for not being prepared for the spelling test. Nothing I could do would calm her down. I tried everything. I tried extending her bed time by an extra 20 minutes, I tried getting her to focus on the time we still had to study for her test, and, seeing that she was far too exhausted to study anyways, I tried suggesting that she relax and wake up fresh the following morning and study then. No matter what I said, her hysteria grew. She even began to thrash around in her bed, unable to contain herself. She lost it.

Then her brother, Louis walked in the room. He had just finished taking his shower and stood in front of us wrapped in a towel. Witnessing the dynamics of the situation, he decided to add his own spice to the mix. Just as he turned around to leave the room, he deliberately let his towel drop, mooning us both. Ferne started to laugh and the tension evaporated instantly. She let go of beating herself up (and everyone around her) and traded it in for a little levity.

What an idea! Trading in the tension and self defeating thoughts for a little levity is such a simple, yet powerful concept.

She ended up reading a little, writing in her journal, and going to sleep. The following morning she woke up and studied for her spelling test to finally master every word on the list.

Here’s how it works. Not much gets accomplished when you are miserable and feel bad about yourself. But sometimes it happens, and we just feel lousy about ourselves and disappointed about our achievements, or lack thereof. The more we dwell on the goals we have not reached, the bigger the hole gets and the harder it is to fill it.

So here’s the key. Use a little levity to lift yourself up. Change your focus. Do something else, and when you are feeling low, focus on feeling better. Get an ice cream. Go for a run. Listen to a great song. Call a friend. Reconfigure your mind to recall the last time you felt aligned and felt good. The moment that you are moving toward a better frame of mind, your likelihood of attaining your goals dramatically improves.

Happy Birthday to Me!

2007-09-24T22:58:00.000-04:00

It’s my birthday on Friday. The celebration started tonight when my kids couldn’t wait to give me their gifts. As thrilled as I was to receive them, I really wanted to save them for Friday so that the celebration would not fade by the time Friday came around. But they were so eager that I had to open their gifts.

My daughter got me a necklace. It was a heart with Daughter written on one half and Mother written on the other half – the kind we both wear. It was sweet and it was her way of keeping us eternally connected. My son got me a CD with Grammy award winning songs. He knows how much I love music. I think he was trying to let me know that it was time to upgrade the music in my CD player. I wore the necklace and we played the CD and danced around in my bedroom for a while. They showed me moves I didn’t even know were possible. What can I say…my kids have groove!

It was all great – but the greatest part of the evening was the card they made for me. Here’s what it said…

“Mom you rock and you’re the best mom we ever had.
On your 30th birthday we’d like you to know that you’re the Best in the world.
Better than the rest.
With age comes wizdom and since you’re a year older you should be very wize.

We love you Mom,

Louis and Ferne”

What else could a mother ask for on her birthday? Jewelry, music, love and everlasting youth! Happy Birthday to me!

P.S. For those of you who are wondering…I’m not really 30 – they just thought it was time for me to finally graduate from my 29th year! I have them trained well!)

The Baritone

2007-09-23T21:28:00.000-04:00

With my son Louis in grade 6, and my daughter Ferne in grade 3, the start of a new school year brings new school subjects our way including those with cool new musical instruments. Louis was tasked with playing the baritone. I wasn’t even convinced that a baritone was an instrument until he proved it to me by googling it on line.

He spent two days spitting into his mouth piece as an attempt to ‘practice’ playing Yankee Doodle (yes, even Canadians know that one) when he proclaimed that he needed a protective pouch for his mouth piece and that we absolutely had to go to the dollar store to buy one. In the spirit of encouraging his enthusiasm for music, off we went to the dollar store, just the two of us. We headed straight for the protective mouth piece aisle and retrieved the pouch we came for when Louis said, “Mom, let’s go down the aisles one by one just for fun.” I knew it was his way of finagling the purchase of a few extra treats and gizmos and in order to extend our cherished one-on-one time together, I willingly obliged. We picked out some stuff that we really didn’t need like extra plastic containers for leftovers, double A batteries for our milk frother, a picture frame that says “family” and some bobby socks for Ferne, his sister, with little cat pom poms on the ankles.

As we were leaving the store, Louis said, “Shopping is good sometimes, it cleans you out.” Thinking of the $35 I just spent on one dollar items, I had to agree, but knew he was referring to a different kind of cleaning.

“What do you mean, Louis?”

“It cleans you out. If you are angry or pissed off or frustrated and you go shopping, you leave just feeling better and it’s all ‘hakuna matata.’ (A term he learned from the movie The Lion King meaning “no difficulties": no troubles, problems, worries or cares.)

What amazed me was his insight. This was not a conversation about shopping. It was a conversation about Frame of Mind. It was about how when you change your focus away from the things that frustrate you to things that calm you or excite you, your entire mood can change. Therein lies a secret: what you focus on is what becomes your life. But the bigger secret is this – you can deliberately change your mind if you want to by continuously focusing on the things that you want in your life. It’s called building the mind muscle and making it the single biggest priority in your life and understanding how crucial your thinking is to the quality of your life and your overall success.

Of course shopping isn’t for everyone – although it certainly works for some as a short term way to redirect one’s focus. Other things can work too… listening to music, exercising, watching a sitcom, talking with a friend, pretty much anything that makes you feel better. Here’s what I do… I write in a journal daily and focus my thoughts on the things I want to see, do, and experience throughout my life. The minute I write it down, it’s real and it’s permanent and I begin to create all the things I want. My Frame of Mind is the foundation of that creation and I work on it every day.

How about you? What do you do to focus your thoughts and shift your mind?

The Robbers

2007-09-20T09:53:00.000-04:00

My parents are Egyptian Jews with deep seeded cultural beliefs and customs. I am the baby in the family who decided to make an appearance 13 years after my brother and 15 years after my sister - I was the pleasant surprise. Between the food and the guilt, and the intensely over protective parenting approach, you can just imagine the loving cocoon in which I was enveloped as a child. While I grew up believing that I was everyone’s favorite, I instinctively knew that given the huge generational gap with my parents and the cultural disparity, I had to move away from the nest in order to maintain a tight relationship.

I now live in Toronto, and they live in Montreal but the distance does not impact our communication. I am very close with them – I speak to them nearly every day on the phone and visit them several times a year. Having not been to Toronto in over 2 years, they decided to come for a visit to make sure my life was in order.

That’s when my mother informed me about the robbers:

“Don’t leave the door unlocked when you are in the house, there are robbers.”

“Lock the doors in your car, and don’t leave your purse in the back seat, a robber can open the door while you are at a red light and steal it.”

“Don’t open your sunroof. A robber can jump in over the top and attack you.”

“Zip up your purse and keep it on your lap when you go to the washroom (restroom) in a public place because a robber can reach over the door and grab it if it’s hanging on the back of the door.”

So apparently my mother is afraid of robbers. She means well and she is unquestioningly trying to protect me from the evils of the world. It’s absolutely a sign of love but…

WHERE ARE ALL THESE ROBBERS???

My mother looks for them. And guess what? She finds them - in news papers, on T.V., on the radio, in conversations with her friends, in conversations she overhears, and even in her dreams. She expects to find them and she does. That is her reality. It’s what she pays attention to.

Your world is composed of what you focus on and your ‘reality’ is very much a function of what you expect. If you expect bad things to happen, they do. If you look for drama, chaos, and volatility, it just appears. Even when you don’t look for it, but wish it were gone, you are still focusing on that very thing and so it remains a factor in your world and it often grows. If you focus on what’s missing in your life, like money for instance, you get more of what’s missing – no money. If you focus on the fact that you are overweight, you stay like that, overweight.

Imagine spending all that energy focused on the things you want, like generating wealth, health, and happiness, and imagine expecting it to come your way? The likelihood of it appearing is significantly magnified when you can envision it and almost experience actually having it. The more you can see, taste, smell, touch, and emotionally feel what it’s like to obtain what you want, the closer you are to reaching it. In fact, it starts to head your way.

The most incredible thing is that you can choose what you want to focus on everyday. Just like brushing your teeth in the morning, it can become a habit to wake up in the morning and choose the thoughts that you will focus on for the day. Thoughts that bring you closer to the things that really matter in your life. Good thoughts, happy thoughts, thoughts of gratitude, excitement, anticipation, love.

It’s really all about your Frame of Mind. What thoughts will you choose for today?

The Embrace

2007-09-16T20:49:00.000-04:00

I arrived at the train station in Philadelphia both excited and a little bit tired after two presentations for Land America, the title company. I was headed to New York for the RIS Media conference. I had several pieces of luggage and required assistance onto the train from a porter. I sat on a nearby bench as I waited for his signal to walk toward the train. I looked around and took a quick scan at around the large hall. It was all but impossible not to notice a middle aged couple not too far away engaged in a long, passionate embrace. They caught my eye and held my attention, a little bit longer than appropriate. To my embarrassment, the Porter observed me fixed for so long on the scene and said “Stop looking, they should really just get a room.” But I could not stop looking. It was something about their embrace. It was something about their attire that made me imagine them as a couple from one of those movies with Mickey Rooney made years ago in black and white, like they were captured in time. Perhaps it was something about their age, their stance, and his disheveled hair. I was entranced.

The Porter let me know that it was time to go. He took my luggage onto a cart and said “follow me”. I did. He proceeded to walk toward the couple and made a stop to help the man. I noticed he was holding a stick. He was blind. The Porter took the man’s hand and fixed it firmly to his arm leading the way.

As we stepped into an elevator, the Porter informed me that the man had just gotten engaged that day. The gentleman spoke up and said “That explains all the kissing.” I broke into a smile.

I said, “Congratulations! When’s the wedding?”

“January 19th,” he replied.

Calculating a quick 4 ½ month engagement period, I said “Boy, you don’t waste any time.”

He said “Well, we’re both widows, we really don’t have any reason to wait.”

And in that moment I realized that there is almost never a reason to wait. It’s just something that we are used to doing. We are practiced at waiting for something to happen, for the time to be perfect, or the tide to swing our way. We just sit and wait and keep living our lives the same way as always, hoping that someday something wonderful will happen.

Waiting. Waiting.

What a costly use of time. Are you still waiting? What are you waiting for?

Bugs Bunny’s DNA

2007-08-15T10:48:00.000-04:00

Why is it that no matter what he’s confronted with, Bugs Bunny always wins? Regardless of whether he’s in a face to face battle with dim-witted rabbit hunter Elmer Fudd, at odds with explosive Yosemite Sam, building creative ploys to prevent Marvin the Martian from destroying the earth, or matching wits with Wile E. Coyote, Bugs Bunny always finds a way to rise to the top. Other than the fact that the writers planned it that way, here’s what makes Bugs Bunny’s winning DNA distinct:

1. Bugs Bunny expects to win. Always. And what that means is that he is never stressed out and has not even a shred of self doubt. He is certain of success and goes about his merry way expecting positive outcomes.

Do you expect to win in your career? Do you expect to win in your life? Or are you the type of person that expects things to go wrong? Are you certain of your success or do you wonder if your time for success will ever come? Your results are a direct product of the expectations you have. Start to look deeply at the real expectations that you have for yourself and consciously direct your thoughts to have better expectations.

2. Bugs Bunny is always calm, finding a way to reduce or redirect the conflict in every situation. “Ehh, What’s up Doc?” is his unassuming way of disarming other characters and building rapport. He never frets – he knows it will all turn out fine.

Are you consumed with worry? Do you find yourself nervously dealing with events in your life? The worry, guilt, frustration and anxiety that we feel (often over things that we cannot control) consumes our energy and negatively impacts our results. Imagine experiencing life knowing that things will all turn out fine, feeling calm and at peace all the time. One of the most powerful tools for building a calm frame of mind is the process of journaling and using the exercise of writing to unload the worry and redirect to thoughts that are empowering and align with the results you are looking for.

3. Bugs Bunny is resourceful and uses all kinds of witty tactics to distract and confuse his opponents. He invents new paradigms and sells them to his adversaries. In one episode called ‘Hare Tonic’, Bugs escapes Elmer by tricking him into thinking there is a terrible outbreak of "Rabbit-itus.

Are you using all of the resources at your disposal to guarantee success? Do you tap into the people, the technology, the books, and historical success clues to help you mobilize your efforts towards winning? Write a list of all of the resources that you have access to and plan how you will methodically tap into each.

4. Bugs Bunny goes the distance. He does whatever it takes to win. He is willing to hide in a cannon, conduct an opera, and dress like a woman to get the job done. He is open, he is willing and he knows how to have a great time in the process.

Are you willing to go the distance to get the job done? Are you willing to suspend your fear, even temporarily, and forge ahead to reach your goals? Create a vision of your success and write it down. What does it look like? What does it feel like? What do you need to do to make it happen? Are you ready?

Bugs Bunny is a winner. Do you have Bugs Bunny’s DNA?

Inverse Paranoia

2007-08-06T20:54:00.001-04:00

I tried to dissuade her but she insisted. Ferne wanted her 8th birthday party in a forest. She wanted to go on a hike and explore. She wanted to catch frogs and find new trails. “But what if it rains?” I said. “There are no washrooms in the forest,” I said. “What are we going to do with 20 kids in a forest for 2 hours?” I thought to myself. I tried to lure her into another option – I took her to the Klim Art School and the cooking facility above our local grocery store, both of which host very cool birthday parties. She was unyielding. She wanted it in a forest. So we went to check out Mill Pond, where we found the neighborhood ‘forest’. We discovered that there was a playground in the area and a small gazebo that would be a perfect location for her birthday party. She was doing a great job convincing me, and the washroom in the vicinity clinched the deal.

So we made plans. We called all her friends and invited them. “You’re having the party where?” was the typical reaction. We ordered the Messy Hands Bus to come to the area to and do arts and crafts on the bus (it was my ‘what if it rains?’ contingency plan). We called Pizza Pizza and ordered 6 extra large pizzas to be delivered at Mill Pond. We baked a fancy cake, got loot bags, and enough junk food to feed an army. We were ready.

Except for one minor thing…what if the gazebo was being used by other people? It was a public park after all, reserving the space was not a possibility, and the likelihood that another family would be using it on a beautiful summer day on a Sunday afternoon was pretty high. I chose to ignore that possibility and decided that we would arrive and the gazebo would be waiting for us without a fuss. I imagined the party in the gazebo and that was that. I could literally visualize the event in the gazebo. (Admittedly, I brought a table cloth to put on the ground just incase my plan didn’t work and we needed to find a location on the forest ground nearby.)

So here’s what happened: we arrived at Mill Pond and the gazebo was waiting for us. No fuss. We set up a couple of picnic tables, and had the party in the gazebo. The guests were amazed. “How did you think of this place?” they asked. “Did you have to reserve the gazebo?” “Weren’t you afraid that someone else might be here when you arrived?”

“No,” I said. “I have inverse paranoia.”

“What’s that?”

“I believe the universe works in my favor.”

They looked at me with a blend of marvel and incredulousness. But indeed the universe worked in my favor that day!

By the way, when I checked the weather that Sunday morning, it was forecasted to rain in the afternoon, but even the rain cooperated and waited until the party was over before it decided to come by for a visit.

Ho’oponopono

2007-08-05T19:54:00.000-04:00

Imagine taking responsibility for everything in your life…

I don’t just mean your health, your wealth, your family, your career, your relationships, your well being, and your over all happiness.

I mean EVERYTHING - Everything that crosses your path in any shape or form. Every problem you see, hear, or witness in the world – poverty, racism, illness, even a road accident across the street that you happen to witness from your bedroom window. Everything.

You are probably thinking that the concept is insane. It’s not humanly possible to take on that kind of responsibility. Nobody’s shoulders are that big and some things are simply not in our realm of responsibility. It’s just not realistic.

For the longest time I was a proponent of the school of thought that those who had the courage to take responsibility for themselves alone were way ahead of the game. Those who were not impacted by others opinions of how to live, how to work, or how to behave, and did not let fear hold themselves back were my heroes. They were people that really owned their lives; they were people that I wanted to emulate.

Until I came across Ho’oponopono.

Ho’oponopono: “To make right; to rectify, to correct” is a Hawaiian problem solving methodology that suggests that in order to solve the problems around us, we must focus on cleaning them out of our system first. So if there is a person that we are not fond of because he is greedy or self centered, we must look inside and clean ourselves of greed and self centeredness first. If we look at the problems in our life, be it with our children, our colleagues, our neighbors, our homes, our parents, etc… there is really one commonality among all these problems – it is us. As such, in order to solve our problems we must begin the process internally. And in order to solve the problems that cross our path, even big ones, like world hunger, cancer, and terrorism, we must also begin with ourselves.

According to Ho’oponopono, our problems are a result of the memory of painful past events, experiences, and feelings that continue to be triggered and recycled in our brains. In order to truly live from inspiration we must work at cleaning out those memories to arrive at a place of no painful memory, or point zero, and truly living in the present moment. How is this done?

Love, and forgiveness. In fact, it’s as simple as retiring negative feelings by replacing them with energy and thoughts that are more useful.

Dr. Ihaleakala Hew Len used this technique to help treat patients who were in an institution for the criminally insane. These patients lived their lives shackled in handcuffs to circumvent the danger they might inflict on the doctors and other patients. Dr. Lew treated them without having any face to face contact with them or even any interaction with them at all. He looked at their medical/psychological files and studied their criminal records. As he looked at each case and read about their criminal activity, he noticed his reactions ranging in intensity from deep sadness to outrage and repulsion. He began to work on himself and through meditation; he cleaned up these feelings and replaced them with love and forgiveness. He repeated the following mantra, “I love you, I’m sorry, forgive me, thank you.” As he continued to do this, the dangerous threat of the patients started to diminish to the point at which many of them were unshackled and some were even released.

I know this sounds like a bunch of hocus pocus but my instincts tell me that on a pretty deep level this has the possibility of having a profound impact on our world. Imagine if each of us took the responsibility to clean ourselves of the poison we ingest daily. Imagine if we worked at eradicating the toxins of hate, resentment, jealousy, anger, despair, and depression that seep into our thinking and our general disposition on an ongoing basis. Imagine if we understood that peace, true peace, begins internally. How powerful would that be?

The Glass Floor

2007-07-20T12:30:00.000-04:00

I had a friend visiting from out of town and I wanted to show him the sites of Toronto – the CN Tower was a natural destination. It was an awesome sight, the tallest structure in the world.

We stood in line for 45 minutes with hundreds of other sightseers to ride the elevator up to the first lookout point – approximately 1500 feet above ground. We walked around the outside of the tower and took notice of the hard wire fence firmly attached to the building structure acting as a barrier to prevent people from jumping. We went back inside to look for the famous glass floor that provided a direct view to the ground below the edifice. As we approached, we came to a halting stop one step before walking right onto it. My friend found that his legs began to shake as a result of the fear of looking down from such a height. While there were many people standing on it, sitting on it and even lying down on it, still many were standing on the boarder of the glass floor not quite ready to take that step. I too paused for a moment contemplating the step, taking a few seconds to peer over the edge before making a move. And then I had a conversation in my head:

“It’s a floor like any other floor. In fact, it’s probably far sturdier than any other floor in this building. There is no danger – it’s simply an illusion. Look at all the people already standing on it – they’re not scared. And think about all the people who have stood on it before – probably millions. This is safe.”

I proceeded to take that step onto the glass floor. I did not look down - at least not for a few minutes. We were a long way up. I walked on the floor and looked around and thought about how cool the experience was. I even found myself jumping up and down. There was no danger, it was truly an illusion.

I began to look at the people around me and watched their fear and I watched how some of them were paralyzed standing on the edge not daring to take that step. I thought about how many things in our lives we are afraid of and how many of them are equally illusions. I thought about all the things we stop ourselves from doing because we have tricked ourselves into thinking there is risk. I thought about all the things that I still have yet to do that appeared scary and I thought about the mirror test. Not the one that brokers sometimes use when they hire agents; the one that you use when you are 80 years old and look back on your life and decide whether or not you have any regrets. I was glad to see that while fear is not a stranger to me, my desire to live a life without regret has a much stronger pull.

So here is what I do…

1. I allow myself to feel the fear.

2. I ask myself what I am fearful of.

3. I contemplate whether or not I want to live life with this fear and if not; I take a breath and forge ahead.

4. If the fear is too overwhelming, I write it down, break it down, and move it out of the way by imagining myself living the event without fearing it.

What do you do?

Busted

2007-06-29T22:37:00.000-04:00

I was sitting at my computer the other day when my daughter, Ferne sneaked up on me.

"Aha! I caught you!" she said.

"You did? What did I do?"

"You know all those ideas you have about living a happy life?"

"Yeah?"

"You got them from a book! That's cheating!"

The truth is... I got those ideas from many books and as the years pass, I continue to build my library of books that provide ideas about how to live a happy life.

Unfortunately, living a happy life is not something that just happens naturally for most people. With life's ups and downs, often it's a struggle to stay on the sunny side of the street. Bad things happen in the world and it's a challenge not to pay attention to all the grey around us. Terrorism, abuse, rape, theft, divorce, illness. Life isn't always easy.

But some people do live a happy life and the rest of us are left bewildered at how they can always be so cheerful and so optimistic. They walk around with a consumate glow and a constant smile that makes us wonder if they simply live on a different planet. Are they not aware of all the tradegy around us? Do they not read the news? It's just not realistic to be happy all the time!

For them, happiness is an action, not a passive occurance. It's a deliberate decision that they have made and implement daily. It's a choice and it's a life priority.

Ferne's accusations arose when she found a book I had been reading called "How we Choose to be Happy" written by Rick Foster and Greg Hicks. They describe happy people:

"One of the the things that makes them special is their unique answer to the classic question: Is the glass half full or half empty? Their answers are what set them apart from the rest of us.

Happy people will say that the glass is both half empty and half full. Life is about coming to terms with both perceptions of the glass. Happiness is the result of our conscious responses to both the wonderful and the tragic components of life. They would tell you that what creates a happy life cannot be reduced to a single cause - happiness is multifaceted."

So, I got caught red-handed! Perhaps Ferne will find herself curious one day and pick up some of the books I have just lying around the house...maybe one day I will catch her too! How proud I would be to have played any part in her decision to be happy!

Dump, Dump, then Dump the Dump

2007-06-26T22:07:00.000-04:00

There are some friendships that aren't planned, or deliberate, but just grow deeply over time. My friend, let's call her D, is one such friend.

D just got rid of a huge cancer in her life; her boyfriend for the past 7 years, on the day of her birthday. Happy Birthday D! Typically, a friend should show empathy for this kind of loss, particularly after such a long time together, but in this case I am rather serious when I say that it is truly a time of celebration.

He had not one redeeming quality about him.

Smart? No
Kind? No
Well Accomplished? No
Good looking? Other than his pecks, not even!

There was nothing about him that was attractive. She is a single mother with 4 teenage kids. He lived in her house, he didn't work, he 'borrowed' her money, used drugs, had a fist fight with her son, and had the nerve to tell her that she would never find another speciman like him. What a blessing!

For years I have been having the conversation with her that she deserves more in her life, that he is nothing but a noose around her neck, that he is horrible for her kids and that he sucks her dry. And for years she has agreed whole heartedly. But it took years for her to find the courage to let him go.

What was it that held her back?

Fear of the unknown? Yes
Fear of being alone? Yes
Fear of not finding someone else? Yes
Fear of never being enough? Absolutely

And perhaps the first three of those fears are overcomable but the last can be debilitating because it is truly the fear of never being enough that gets in the way of realizing that you are more than enough right this minute. And that is the key - just believing you are already enough. It's a funny thing - that kind of belief doesn't just happen overnight, especially after years and years of harmful programming.

So here is what I told D to do: Get a journal and write in the journal every day. Get rid of all the crap swimming in your head. Complain, moan, groan, feel sorry for yourself, curse, blame, and belittle - just dump it out. And when you are close to being finished, keep dumping until there is nothing left. And then stop. Reread what you have written and then dump the dump. Start to write the story of your life now as you want it to be. Write about who you are in your ideal world, what your life is like, what you are grateful for and why you are more than enough right this minute. And keep writing. Every day. Never stop - until you believe without a shadow of a doubt that you are not only more than enough, you are the bomb!

On a Scale of 1 - 10

2007-06-20T21:04:00.000-04:00

Okay, I admit it. I was eavesdropping. But that’s what mothers do when they overhear an interesting conversation between their 11 year old son (Louis) and his friends.

In my world, kid birthdays are a big deal – we go all-out in every way – great food, great theme, great entertainment, and ultra great loot bags. We have a reputation for great parties and every year we try to outdo the previous year.

This year Louis went out on a huge limb for his birthday – he decided to have a disco party and most of his guests were the boys from his class with a few scattered girls enforced as a result of family ties. He had a DJ who orchestrated party games and doled out prizes. There were disco lights and a fog machine. Louis gave loot bags to die for – each filled with a variety of cool toys, goodies and an animal designed cd case holding a cd with a selection of music entitled “Louis’ Picks 2007”. There was popcorn and smores and cake and pizza and even falafel for the lingering adults. As cool as it was all supposed to be, it was still a risky choice – after all, how many 11 year old boys like to dance?

At the end of the party as the parents began arriving to pick up their children, Louis took two of his closest friends aside and asked them the following question:

“On a scale of one to ten, how would you rate my party?”

I was horrified! How could he ask such a question? How could he put his friends in such an uncomfortable position? What if the answer was negative? How did he have the nerve?

Before I had a chance to jump in and rescue the situation, the answer came…

“We rate it a 10!”

I was totally relieved! Of course it was a 10 – what else did I expect? Why was I so worried???

Replaying the conversation in my mind, I reflected on the question he asked his friends and wondered what would happen if we asked our clients to rate us on a scale of one to ten? Would we be afraid to hear the answer? Why are we so terrified to ask? Wouldn’t it benefit us to know and make adjustments if the response was below a 9?

It truly takes courage to ask for truth and feedback from others where performance is concerned. We tend to shy away from seeking feedback because our mindset tricks us into thinking that any criticism means we are not so great after all. Or perhaps we are not such brilliant business owners or our product is not as wonderful as we espouse it to be. Negative feedback is perceived as deflating and sends us into a spiral of self doubt and debilitation.

I suppose that’s one way to look at it. Another is to view negative feedback as a gift that only the courageous obtain and do something with. Often it’s the negative feedback that gives birth to new ideas or creates an even stronger will to succeed. Sometimes there is a gem of information in the feedback that provides you with just the right ingredient that makes all the difference in the world spawning tremendous success. Asking for and receiving feedback is really just a matter of choice and courage.

On a scale of 1 – 10 how do you rate this article?

Please Feel Free to Come in and Use our Washrooms

2007-05-30T17:20:00.000-04:00

My daughter has a small bladder - that's just the way it is. She is still only 7 years old and invariably, each time we leave the house, we are in search of a washroom (restroom for Americans). I usually factor it in to our journey but sometimes a mother forgets. I forgot the other day. We went shopping at the ROOTS warehouse outlet in a strip mall not far from my office. ROOTS, for those of you who don't know, is a clothing store that sells t-shirts, sweatshirts, hats, and sweat pants symbolizing Canada's national identity in sports and athletics across the world. I was on a mission to buy a few gifts for some of my American friends.

With the assistance of my kids, I scoured the store for close to an hour. I chose a bunch of cool, funky t-shirts for my friends, a series of matching sweat suits for my kids, and even picked out a few things for me. My bill was easily $500. As we approached the cash, I heard the all familiar "Mom, I have to pee."

"Is it urgent?" I asked

"Yes - it's extremely urgent."

I approached the young girl standing at the cash register. "Is there a washroom that we can use?"

"No I'm sorry, we don't have a public washroom in the store."

"But my daughter is desparate."

"I'm sorry, I can't help you, we don't have a washroom in the store."

"Where is the closest washroom?"

"At Tim Hortons, in the next strip mall across the way."

"Are you telling me that when you have to use the washroom, you have to leave the store and go to Tim Horton's?"

She chose not to answer that one. Clearly they had a washroom that was not for public use. Not even in extreme circumstances. I begged, I pleaded, I was incredulous, and slowly my anger grew. I threatened to leave the store without buying a thing - they didn't care. I couldn't believe that they were ready to let a sale go because they didn't want to break the store's washrom policy.

I left the store fuming. Fuming and thinking that if I owned a retail store I would put up a sign that says "Please feel free to come in and use our washrooms." I would use it to drive traffic. In fact, I would be known for that. And as soon as they finished their business, I would offer them a pamphlet showing them the store specials or give them a food sample to keep them in the store longer. I would make them feel good about coming into the store. I would surprise and delight them and they would be happy to buy lots of stuff. And when they approached the cash, they would be greated by the warmest, friendliest face who would go the extra mile to let them know about something else they might like to buy and call over a sales person to bring it over to them. I would turn it into an experience where they leave with a smile - one that they go home talking about.

What can you do to leave your customers feeling so good that they walk away talking about you? How can you go the extra mile? It's more than just adding value - it's adding delight. And it's training everyone in the organization to deliver delight. Think about what would delight you and factor it in. It doesn't have to be huge or wildly expensive - but it does have to leave people feeling like you truly care about them.

Car Conversation

2007-04-27T23:01:00.000-04:00

April 27, 2007

Ferne, my daughter, is 7 and Louis, my son, will be 11 next week. As I drove them to school this morning, here was the conversation:

Ferne: Louis, don't play gameboy in the car, it's going to make you sick.

Louis: Ferne, stop interfering!

Ferne: I am just being nice you know, I don't want you to get sick.

Louis: What do you care?

Ferne: You're my brother.

Louis: Stop caring.

Ferne: I can't, you're my brother.

Louis: Is it in your job description?

Ferne: Yes it is.

End of conversation.

You Don't Have to be Anybody to be a Somebody

2007-04-26T19:29:00.000-04:00

Last Wednesday I flew into Denver for a strategy meeting with the publisher of LORE Magazine. I was supposed to leave Friday morning. My departure was scheduled for 11 a.m., arrival at 4:24 p.m. leaving me just enough time to get to my Billy Joel concert scheduled for 8 p.m. After 2 hours on the tarmac, Air Canada announced that the flight was cancelled due to mechanical issues. Apparently one of the engines was not functioning properly and was not safe to fly. Picturing what it might have been like to fly with only one functional engine, I was grateful that there were aircraft standards and someone decided to cancel the flight.

After standing in line for a good two hours, I tried to get an alternative route home, but only passengers with 'Elite' status were permitted that privelege. Even tickets to the Billy Joel concert were not enough of reason to find me a way home. All of the remaining passengers (about 150 of us) were shuttled to a not-so-nearby hotel for the night. We were told to come back in the morning for an 8:30 a.m. flight to Toronto. Thinking that I would avoid the inevitable lineup in the morning, I took the 5 a.m. shuttle bus back to the airport in the morning. I arrived even before the ticket counter opened up and stood in line again. A half an hour later we were all informed that this flight was also cancelled due to maintenance issues and that we would have to spend another night in Denver because there was no alternate route.

The passengers around me went wild, each asking the supervisor about a million questions at a time. Wasn't there an alternate route? When was the next flight out? Why did they not keep their promise? Didn't they understand that this was unacceptable? Some of us had to get home to our families, some had events to attend, and some had important meetings to conduct. I too had my own question ... Was there not a more senior person that could make a decision to get us a plane home???

It was then that some force took over and my mind went into super charge. I got it in my head that I should call the president of Air Canada and ask him to do something to help us. I called my brother and asked him to look up the name and number of the president online. Montie Brewer, President of Air Canada. I had nothing to lose, I felt fearless. I called the number that he gave me. A woman answered. She told me that he was not there. I told her that there was a crises in Denver and I needed his attention. She took my name and number and said that she would pass it along but that the best way to reach him was by email. She gave me his email address and proceeded to explain that if I sent him an email that he would receive it on his Blackberry. Then she said this, "I just want you to know that I have nothing to do with Air Canada, I am just his wife." I just spoke to the wife of the president of Air Canada - how cool is that?

I hung up and sent him an email. In very few words I explained the situation and told him that I needed his attention to this matter. I left my name and my number and waited for something to happen. Within a half an hour I got a call. It was a call from a man called to tell me that I was booked on the next flight to Toronto and I would be leaving at 10:40 a.m. that morning and that I should just proceed to the gate and the boarding pass would be waiting for me. Minutes after that, I received an email reply from Montie. Holy Smokes! I was home by 4:30 p.m. that afternnon.

I missed Billy Joel, but I received the gift of learning exactly what I am capable of when I am fearless. I would say that that was a pretty good tradeoff!

The Relief of Giving

2007-04-07T20:55:00.000-04:00

Okay, I'll admit it - I have 2 digital cameras but I still use my old fashioned, film-based camera. And sometimes it takes me a while to get my film developed. Today I had 3 rolls of film developed - one of them was a series of shots taken in November, 2006 at a conference I attended in Florida. It was the Millionaire Mind Conference by T.Harv Eker - where I met this woman who completely changed my perspective on giving.

This is what happened...

There were 1200 people at the conference. It was intense, tiring, exciting, and invigorating all at the same time. They asked us to share our deepest, darkest fears about money. They kept the room cool so that participants would stay alert. Every few hours they gave us a break to grab food and coffee. On one such break I walked past this woman named Chantaye and she stopped me in my tracks to compliment me on the jacket I was wearing. It was long, it was black and white, with zig-zag designs, and had a funky look and feel to it. It was one of my favorites and gave me a hip style. I received compliments every time I wore it - but this time was different.

"I love your jacket" she said.
"Thank you" I replied.
"You know, in the spirit of giving, it would be great if you gave me your jacket, that's a jacket I would love to have."

I think she meant it as a joke but without batting an eyelash, I began to take it off so that she could have it. As I did so, the cold breeze of the air conditioning hit me and I thought about how miserable I would feel without a jacket. Here's what I said:

"I would love to give you my jacket and I will. But it's a little bit cold in here with the air conditioning on. How about if I keep it on for the rest of the day and I bring it with me tomorrow for you to have?"

At this point she thought that I was joking but that evening when I went back to my hotel room, I promptly took the jacket off and put it in a bag so that I would not forget to bring it to her the next day.

I spent all of the following day carrying a plastic bag looking for this woman that I had only seen once before in my life. I looked everywhere. I walked up and down the aisles scanning all 1200 faces. I went to the washrooms - all of them - during the break - I couldn't find her. As the day passed, I grew more and more anxious about not being able to find her. It was the last day of the conference and it would be my only chance to give it to her. The conference was scheduled to end at 5 p.m. and the time was quickly slipping away.

At 4 p.m. I spotted her - I ran across the massive hall to catch up to her. I said, "There you are, I've been looking for you all day!" I was mistaken and embarassed. It wasn't her.

Finally at around 4:30 p.m. she walked by. With tremendous relief I caught up with her and handed her the bag. She was flabbergasted! She couldn't believe that I had brought it to her and kept my promise. For me, there was no question, I had to give it to her. I asked her to try it on and take a picture with me - so that I could remember the incident ... and the jacket!

It was like selling ice to Eskimos!

2007-04-04T22:46:00.000-04:00

It was a blast from the past and what made it cool was that not only did he call me, but he made an effort to track me down. It was Tim Rush from Prudential California, a past client of mine. But this wasn't just any client - it was one of those clients whose story of product purchase provided the material with which to create a sales legend.

I was selling a computer based recruiting application. It was called the Real Estate Simulator. It was absolutely leading edge technology at the time, and used video and audio to create an assessment simulation whose job it was to generate recruiting leads for real estate brokerages. Tim worked for one of the leading companies in the real estate industry - listed as one of the top 500 real estate companies in the United States. I wanted to secure this company as a long term client particularly because of its prestigious profile within the industry. If I could get this brokerage, then it would surely open many more opportunities.

I was single minded. I called Tim regularly. He had a great voice. I enjoyed chatting with him - it seemed there was an ease in our conversation. We talked about cooking, and kids, and life in general. We talked about recruiting, about his goals and his challenges. We talked about budget - and he said that if the product produced the results it promised to, price was not an issue.

He was a perfect prospect - qualified and everything. All except for one thing - he didn't own a computer and hadn't the faintest idea how to use one. I couldn't show him the product via webinar and I certainly could not expect him to use it! Miraculously, I sold him the product none the less and worked hard at convincing him to get a computer and start practicing sending emails.

Today he called me - after close to two years, just to ask how I was doing. What a treat! Some clients make it all worth while - he certainly made my day, and I was delighted to hear that he uses his computer all the time now!

A Master Dethroned

2007-04-03T21:44:00.000-04:00

I was the master. For the past 2 years I held the title for the best all time April Fools joke ever. It happened a couple of years back when I told my parents that I was getting married to someone they didn't think was a particularly great match for me, one year after an initial 15 year marriage that ended in divorce. They went ballistic (as I expected they would) and proceeded to tell me that this marriage was a huge mistake. They said it was too soon and that my judgement was impaired. I kept the gag going by increasing the drama. I responded by saying that after all I had been through, I couldn't believe that they weren't happy for me and that their negative reaction was taking away all of my joy during this happy occasion. My parents stopped short of booking their flights to Toronto to knock some sense into me. And for that stroke of genius I was crowned master.

Until April 1, 2007.

We were in Montreal visiting family to celebrate Passover. My kids had stayed up relatively late the night before and woke up that day a little sluggish and cranky. After breakfast, my son, Louis went to the washroom to clean up and get ready for the day. I was in the kitchen helping my mother clear the dishes from breakfast when I heard a familiar holler, "Mom, I'm not feeling well."

My maternal instincts kicked in immediately as I rushed to the washroom and opened the door. The smell was enough to knock me over. There he sat wincing; his face vividly displaying severe stomach pain. He said, "Mom, I don't feel well. My stomach is really hurting and I can't find any toilet paper. I need your help." As I approached, he pulled out his arm and displayed his hand covered in a disgusting orange-brown textured goo.

I was taken aback, grabbed his arm desperately searching for some kind of tissue to begin cleaning the mess and said, "Oh my God! What happened?"

He said, "I'm so sorry Mom, I didn't know what to do. My stomach is really hurting. I need your help." My heart went out to him in every way. I could feel his pain and his embarrasment and felt pride that I was the one he could turn to for help in this kind of crises. After all ... that's what mothers are for.

Just then he reached down (with his other hand) and uncovered the chocolate bar wrapper that he had used as evidence of his April Fools trick. I was blown away by his ability to reel me in emotionally and by his crafty execution. They say the acorn does not fall far from the tree. I guess I deserved it - the master had been dethroned!

The Face of Determination

2007-03-14T18:57:00.000-04:00

I have 2 kids - Ferne and Louis. Ferne is 7, she is in grade 2. Louis is 10, he is in grade 5. It was March break last week and I took them to Up North Montreal for a ski weekend. I took them downhill skiing, snow shoeing, and cross-country skiing. You would think that of all three activities, cross-country would be the easiest - but it wasn't. At least not for Ferne. We went on a 3 kilometer trail with mostly flat land. Ferne must have fallen at least 65 times in that 3 kilometer stretch. A trail that should have taken anywhere from 15 - 20 minutes, took us 1 hour and a half. She was miserable. Every time she fell, she whimpered and lay down on the snow for a good 2 minutes while she griped.

"I hate these stupid skis."
"This is getting boring."
"Why do we have to do this?"
"Why do I have to be last?"
"This hurts."
"Why do I have to be the worst at this?"
"Why don't they wait for me?"
"Why do I keep falling?"
"I want to go fast without falling."

But every time she fell, she got up again and kept going. She was faced with little hills that required side stepping or fishtailing. As hard as she tried to tackle them with cross-country ski technique, she kept falling. None the less, she refused to take off her skis and opted to climb up the hills on her knees instead, skis flailing behind her. With every passing minute, her fatigue increased and her fall rate increased too. By the end, she was exhausted and spent more time on the ground than on her skis. With a few metres to go, I asked her if she wanted to remove her skis and walk the rest of the way. She refused, saying it would only make her feel worse.

Once we crossed the finish line she fell apart. She cried. She complained. She whined and she felt sorry for herself. I told her how proud of her I was for not giving up. I offered to buy her a chocolate bar to boost her energy and make her feel better.

Sometimes all it takes is chocolate. Once we were back in the car heading home she said, "When can we go cross country skiing again?"